So here it is. This is the elephant in my blog.
I haven’t directly discussed the events that have unfolded with me the past year because I couldn’t wrap my head around it exactly (until now). I stopped blogging completely because all my brain waves were tuned in on just basic survival. Like…without the internet.
Staying afloat…keeping up with life without completely falling off the edge.
I stopped feeling inspired. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I felt totally lost.
And then in a matter of several months…
I felt totally in control. I felt totally inspired. I craved life. I didn’t want to sleep.
So what’s up?
Firstly: I realize now that this is my blog…I will write what I want. Although I wanted to discuss all the things I was going through as they happened, I couldn’t decide if this was really the venue. Well…here’s to connecting with a reader somewhere!
After all…who is reading this? What is the point of this blog? I’ve come to the conclusion that if you are reading, you must care about me in one way or another…thank you for that.
I decided to leave my relationship (and marriage) of nearly 7 years. I am 29 years old and I tried my best. I always said that I never wanted to get a divorce and I thought that my hard work in life/career would translate to my relationships. But guess what? Relationships don’t always work. Paricularly ones that were started by two young people who got engaged after only 6 months of cross-continental love dreams. In our defense…we gave it one hell of a shot. It was intense. From start to finish…it was always intense.
Ending a marriage is never easy…but maybe even more difficult…we navigated US immigration process. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.
And rather than stay in something that makes you miserable…isn’t it braver to jump ship into a completely unknown sea of life (and eventually love)? I can confirm that leaving was the hardest part. But over time your mind will heal. You can forgive yourself. You can find love (again).
Being married and divorced before my 30th birthday initially made me feel like a total failure, hillbilly, cliché. Then I realized…I am now an expert on how to properly let go of something toxic. Also: I know how to bounce back as version 2.0…which by the way as a divorceé is often sexier, smarter, more fun, and just all around awesomer (at least I am told).
So here I am…thankful to have gotten through what I would consider as the worst part of this whole healing process. I have my own place…apartment, yes, but also place in life. I have loads of new friends. I have new hobbies. I am dating. I have a new lens to view my world.
I am ok. I am more than ok.
Being married is not an accomplishment. Our culture loves to have two drivers for each life, but that is NOT the only way. And feeling that you are less of a person if you are driving solo is ridiculously awful. Sorry if that is you. Further, some of the most amazing people I know are single, and some of the worst humans on earth are married.